Would I Choose Motherhood Again?
Featured Artwork:
Canto de Cempasúchil
(Song of the Marigold)
Life in Death – Día de los Muertos Group Art Exhibit, 2025
This piece is available if it speaks to you.
Question: “If you could go back, knowing what you know now about motherhood, would you still choose to become a mother?”
I know this is a controversial question because if you say no, oh, the scandal, what a horrible person!
I am a mother of 3, and motherhood has made me a bitter woman. The thing is, the children are a joy, but the responsibility of motherhood is completely draining.
If you say, “Motherhood is a beautiful and true gift,” I would say you are lucky, and I am genuinely happy for you.
Motherhood did not come naturally to me, and I suffered postpartum depression after all 3 of my children: extreme mood swings, dark thoughts, and the feeling of hopelessness.
Every time a friend would ask me, “What do you think about motherhood?” I would say, “Don’t do it.” But now, my eldest is 10 years old, and I feel different, kinda. I still feel motherhood is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Do I recommend it?
It’s like life, there are pros and cons to everything. The thing I wish were talked about more is that motherhood is not a fairy tale and should not be made into something magical, because it’s not.
Pregnancy complications, partner dynamics, financial stability, external family relationships, body dysmorphia, postpartum depression, and the list goes on.
The pro of having a child is that the love for that child is indescribable. The way they may drive me crazy, but bring me so much love, brings me to tears. They are awesome kids. I like to think they picked me as their mother.
If I answered no to the question and went back, their souls would have chosen another mother, and that just makes me mad to think about.
For example, would they know that my eldest daughter is afraid of the dark? Would they have been able to get her a night light? If they didn’t, she would be crying every night. And at school, she is a shy girl. Would they have gone to the school to call out the girl who had been bullying her? She likes soy sauce on her rice, and she loves going to the library. She is very kind, thoughtful, and a natural leader. She wants to be a hairstylist. Would they be able to encourage her dream? Also, she is not sassy because she is a girl; she is outspoken, and would they dim her light? She is also an empath who cries when she feels deeply. Would they soothe her tears and offer reassurance?
My middle child is a fireball and doesn’t like to be told what to do. She talks back and gets mad. Would they hit her because girls should be calm and collected? She is very nurturing and wants to be a teacher when she grows up. Would they be able to encourage that and send her to school? Would they know her love language is physical touch and that she loves to be hugged? She loves to show her love through acts of service and will always try to help around the house. She gets sad if you don’t let her. Would they call her selfish and annoying for being vocal? She loves pickles and sushi, and she is actually not a picky eater at all. Would they be able to get her all her snacks and introduce her to new foods?
My youngest, oh boy, my youngest. I worry about him the most. He has autism, but don’t let that fool you. He is a bright kid! He just really loves structure and his schedule. He is nonverbal and gets frustrated when you don’t understand him. Would they be patient? They would most definitely hit him. That alone fills me with rage. He is a good boy! Would they have noticed signs since he was little? Would they have gotten him into therapy and made the doctor visits? He would have gone undiagnosed and just been labeled a bad kid. He is so thoughtful and such a friendly kid. They would not be able to see his strength. There is nothing wrong with him; his brain just works a little differently, and that is okay.
So, would I choose to go back knowing what I know now about motherhood? Would I still choose to become a mother?
I think motherhood is a scam, and women should be selfish and nurture themselves before nurturing others.
Mothers need a village to raise a child, and most of the time, it will be a solo village, just you and the children. It can get lonely, draining, and overstimulating.
But would I choose to be the mother of my children? You bet your ass I would.
I am the mother of my children. I am an overstimulated mother, and they drive me crazy 99% of the time, but I will always choose to be their mother.
So if you ask me, “Should I have a child and become a mother?” I would say that is a personal choice at the end of the day. It should always be the woman's choice.
